Decide For Yourself.
Values give you the insight, language, and confidence to parent your way.
The goal is no longer to get decisions “right,” but find the ones that are right for you.
Hard decision are value conflicts in disguise.
If both sides of the decision didn’t represent something important to us, the choice is much simpler to make. If your aunt’s neighbor’s cousin, who you do not know, invites you to a graduation party for their daughter on the same day your child has a soccer game, it’s pretty clear which function you will be attending.
Decisions are not challenging because of the actions they involve but because of the values the actions represent. In the example above, the action of attending a soccer game is actually expressing the core value of family, or maybe love. It is this value that must be centered in decision making.
The Clarify, Connect, Choose method works because our values are not all equally important. There are many values we consider important, a few that are very important, and some that are not important at all. They are ranked in our minds on a scale of “this does not matter” to “this is absolutely foundational to who I am.”
As the values implicated in a decision move closer to “this is absolutely foundational to who I am,” the desire to align with that value becomes stronger. This is great when only one side of the decision represents a strongly held value, because making that choice becomes very easy. But when both sides of a decision represent foundational core values, the decision is suddenly very challenging, and can create many feelings of overwhelm, doubt, stress, and anxiety.
The way through these feelings is by carefully examining both choices of the decision, identifying which values they represent, and thoughtfully selecting which value must be prioritized based on an internal ranking system. Then, finding an action that centers this value while also honoring the value represented by the opposing choice. This is exactly what Clarify, Connect, Choose will help you do.
Excerpt from the Clarify, Connect, Choose Decision Making Guide
Clarify, Connect, Choose:
The APLY Decision Making Method
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This method is best used for decisions that feel very difficult to make because both, or all, options seem right for different reasons. You may find yourself going back and forth between choices, asking for the opinions of others, or mulling the decision over for an extended period of time, and yet becoming more and more confused and overwhelmed as time goes on.
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Clarify, Connect, Choose is different from other frameworks in that it does not place the emphasis on external factors, like the pros and cons of a decision. Instead, the focus is on you and what feels right.
Clarify, Connect, Choose also helps you think creatively about solutions to difficult problems so that you can find compromises that align with all of your values. It turns “Should I choose Option A or Option B” into “Values A and B are important to me. How can I honor both of them in this decision?”
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If the Clarify, Connect, Choose method doesn’t provide you with any insight or guidance on your decision making, send me an email at claire@aparentlikeyou.com. I will meet with you for a free one-on-one consultation to see if I can help.
If that still doesn’t work, we’ll refund you, no questions asked.
How to Decide for Yourself: Make Parenting Choices That Feel Good
Should you homeschool or send your kid to public school? Go back to work or stay home? Have a second kid? These decisions feel impossible because two of your values are clashing — not because you don't know what to do. Here's how to find your answer by looking inward instead of googling it.
How to Make a Decision When Both Options Feel Right
When decisions are hard, it’s because there’s a conflict in values.
It naturally follows that the way to make hard decisions easier is to know, and be able to prioritize, your values.
Easier said than done.